What happens when a 15-year-old child dies?

00:00:00: Hello everyone and welcome to a new episode of our podcast.

00:00:04: Traces, Kinder helfen kindan.

00:00:06: So traces children helping Children.

00:00:09: And actually we wanted to do The episode today about another topic but unfortunately something very sad happened on Saturday and this is why We changed the topic and will address what happened on Saturday in this episode.

00:00:32: If you are following my social media, You probably saw that a student of mine had died on Saturday and This is the reason why we choose to do...to talk about this event In today's episode because something like this it very sad.

00:00:56: Yeah, you don't know what to say in this situation and it's a very difficult time for me.

00:01:06: It is also very difficult for the kids or his classmates because death of child was never easy.

00:01:22: I think it would be better to talk about this today and also understand how one can cope with the death of a child.

00:01:35: It's always very difficult to cope because... This is actually something that isn't natural, normally children shouldn't die no matter if they are two years old or four years old.

00:01:49: ten years old fifteen years old children shouldn't die and it is a horrible experience for everyone.

00:01:58: It doesn't matter if they're parents, teachers family classmates friends...it's very difficult moment!

00:02:13: And this is what we are trying to do in todays episode.

00:02:18: so how can you cope with?

00:02:22: How can you cope with the death of a child that was your friend, your classmate?

00:02:29: Maybe your neighbor?

00:02:31: or maybe just... A boy?

00:02:34: you knew and saw everyone every now-and then.

00:02:37: Or maybe it's just a boy who heard about because somebody else wrote about him.

00:02:44: I said, i posted about his death on my social media.

00:02:49: and yeah the messages were overwhelming because so many people who didn't know him Were touched by By history.

00:02:59: So by the fact that a young adult has died.

00:03:03: And thank you everyone for your messages.

00:03:06: And yeah, like I said this is what we are going to try and do in this episode.

00:03:17: So as you know these projects started as a project for cancer sick kids.

00:03:25: so also four kids that are coping with um this terrible sickness.

00:03:33: kids that at some point are also coping with the fact, maybe they will not make it.

00:03:40: And my students so... The children and the kids who were working on this project, how should I say?

00:03:56: They learned more about death through these projects possibility of death that maybe other children in their ages wouldn't learn.

00:04:07: But yeah, doing this kind of project you have to deal with it.

00:04:13: and Yeah but this doesn't make the whole situation easier because It was still a shock for everyone.

00:04:22: And yes so What happened is young adult, this boy that was my student died on Saturday.

00:04:37: His name was Nikita and yeah it was very very shocking to hear the news.

00:04:47: The thing is I am on a sick leave this week And It Was One of My Other Students one of and actually one of the girls that are working on a project.

00:05:01: That gave me the news And Yeah, that was very shocking.

00:05:09: so maybe yeah The two sisters enough deep and superman they're also with me like almost every time and It was actually not people who give me the newest.

00:05:26: You can say something about this.

00:05:31: How did you feel when you heard of it and how do you feel now?

00:05:38: So, I felt really emotional.

00:05:44: It was like shocking.

00:05:47: so...I felt that its not

00:05:52: real

00:05:54: And first I was not believing it.

00:05:58: It's just a rumor

00:05:59: or something.

00:06:01: But then everyone started saying that he is no more.

00:06:05: Then i realized, yeah thats true Yes and shortly after you wrote me the official mail from school came.

00:06:24: So this what?

00:06:26: happened?

00:06:26: and this is now the topic of our episode today.

00:06:32: Nikita was a student at our school, he came from Ukraine four-and-a-half years ago.

00:06:39: He came to Ukraine when war

00:06:41: started.

00:06:43: So

00:06:43: for two year's he was in intensive classes where students learn German When they come another country.

00:06:52: In intensive classes it depends how quickly you learn German.

00:06:58: You can learn that in six months, one year or two

00:07:03: years

00:07:04: and when we were in intensive class Nikita was already the regular class.

00:07:15: In intensive class you have normally twenty hours of German in week but Nikita had four to five hours German in a week because he was already in the

00:07:29: regular

00:07:29: class and sometimes He came in the breaks to talk

00:07:34: to the teacher.

00:07:38: Yeah, so yeah.

00:07:40: So the German curriculum is like this that children need to stay.

00:07:45: Like Suman already said for a period of at least six months till they learn German, so one semester and then depending on how quickly they learned German.

00:07:56: They can move to regular class.

00:07:58: And the moment that girls came into my intensive classes So I am the class teacher in this intensive class.

00:08:08: At the time when the girl's come to my class Nikita was already in her regular class.

00:08:13: but because children... Still have problems with German because German is not a very easy language He still had to come for four or five six hours a week two German classes in the intensive classes so he can learn German better.

00:08:34: and He was very often during the breaks also in the class And talking to me.

00:08:41: Because why do you think he did that?

00:08:45: Why did he come during the breaks to talk with me and didn't stay in other... In his class, with his classmates.

00:08:58: I think because

00:08:59: he was lonely so he didn't have many friends.

00:09:08: So we came here

00:09:09: for him.

00:09:12: I think this is very sad because i think every child needs friends.

00:09:21: not.

00:09:22: It has to be like, does every child need friends?

00:09:25: Of course every human being needs friend!

00:09:28: Friends.

00:09:29: we are social beings you know and they're not some animals that live alone.

00:09:35: And we need friends.

00:09:40: Important are very, very important for teenagers.

00:09:44: For children and especially for teenagers because okay kids they find very quickly friends Because they have the same interests.

00:09:53: They play all the time to get a real play with the ball Play With adults girls but during teenage years it's more difficult.

00:10:04: Every child and every teenager develops different develops different interests, different hobbies and then it's more difficult to find friends.

00:10:17: but nevertheless this is very important to have friends.

00:10:20: And everyone should have someone.

00:10:29: He needs to talk to someone and I am very grateful that he came to me, so... And he trusted in him.

00:10:36: He came to talk with me.. ..and was not completely alone!

00:10:43: Now i will let again the girls talk about something else because they are also strangers in Germany.

00:10:55: So there is no German girl.

00:10:57: Nikita was also A stranger in Germany, but there are some differences between you and him.

00:11:07: And maybe you can talk about this

00:11:10: now?

00:11:12: So the difference is like.

00:11:14: we came here with our families.

00:11:17: Our father was already here so We had a choice to come here.

00:11:25: That's why we came because of Father work.

00:11:28: But Nikita he came here because of the war and his father is in Ukraine.

00:11:37: He's doing...he's a

00:11:40: soldier,in

00:11:41: Ukraine Because he has to stay there because of The War.

00:11:45: And he came Here..because Of The War and he didn't like it here because he won't- he don't want To come to Germany.

00:11:58: and also don't forget he was here with his mother, with his little brother and with his grandma.

00:12:03: so he wasn't alone but still had to leave the country behind.

00:12:10: He always kept saying that he doesn't like it ,that he wants back in his home country.

00:12:21: I think this is very difficult for him.

00:12:26: Of course that's difficult because no one wants to leave their

00:12:32: father in

00:12:33: the country where

00:12:34: is war.

00:12:36: Yeah, exactly I mean i think there was also a lot of pressure for him knowing the dangerous situation his father was in.

00:12:44: um i mean yeah a war is a war.

00:12:47: and uh his father had to stay there to be a soldier.

00:12:51: so you know what They are fighting death all the time.

00:12:58: so also distress of not knowing what happens to his dad, that he's in danger.

00:13:07: To know him might be hurt or may die.

00:13:12: This is too much for a child.

00:13:25: This was so much for such a young child and Nikita is not the only one in this situation, yeah.

00:13:32: So all of my children that I had at that time... In my intensive class back then in February of year.

00:13:41: two thousand twenty-two almost all them.

00:13:45: i have twenty four Ukrainian kids and one kid from India, And One Kid From Morocco.

00:13:55: So we had many kids from Ukraine and every single child was in the same situation.

00:14:04: yeah they had to leave their country behind.

00:14:08: They came here together with their moms sometimes With Their Grandparents or Grandmoms as well because men were not allowed to leave Ukraine.

00:14:20: Like it always happens in war situation, you know there's the thing called Marshal Wolow.

00:14:27: so men are not allowed live their country because they're duty is too yeah...to fight for that country and protect a country.

00:14:39: And uh..the world happened more or less overnight as we all now.

00:14:44: So imagine being put in this children's situation to leave everything behind, your house and friends or family because many of them just went with their mothers.

00:15:01: Their grandparents remained in Ukraine.

00:15:07: some had older brothers that were already over eighteen years old.

00:15:11: they also stayed there.

00:15:14: So imagine just overnight having to pack a small bag and put all the things that you love.

00:15:22: Either put them in a small back, which can carry with or leave there without knowing if they would be able come back.

00:15:34: I had one child who came here with his aunt so both of her parents remained And you can imagine how painful this kind of experience was for these children.

00:15:56: You came here, also left your country behind and some family or friends but probably from a long time that you would go... So you had time to say goodbye to your friends, to say good-bye to the family.

00:16:12: You have time to think What do I want to take with me?

00:16:16: To Germany?

00:16:17: what do i want to live here?

00:16:19: and for these children who Are refugees they didn't have that time.

00:16:26: sometimes it was just one night.

00:16:28: yeah okay The worries at the door.

00:16:31: we need go now or it will be too late.

00:16:35: So yeah, these are things that not many people talk about and this is the unseen victims of a war.

00:16:46: The children actually have absolutely nothing to do with the world just caught up in middle suffering.

00:16:54: And yeah, some children decide to talk with other kids or adults which is a very good fact.

00:17:05: Like I said before and i cannot stress it enough to say please talk to someone you don't have to carry everything alone.

00:17:16: It's better to share the burden.

00:17:18: sometimes just helps to say it loud.

00:17:23: even that person cannot do much.

00:17:25: That person can not stop the war for you or that person can't bring it back to your country, but it helps just being out of your system so-to say yeah?

00:17:35: So saying it loud...it helps enough, are you agreeing with me?

00:17:40: Yes!

00:17:42: And did Gita talk about these

00:17:44: things?

00:17:45: No he never

00:17:46: talked about this thing.

00:17:48: and have you thought So the whole pressure, these kids who came from war regions are carrying with them?

00:18:02: Yes.

00:18:06: Okay so yeah this is how you understand in what kind of situation Nikita was where he was.

00:18:18: and and maybe you can also say something more about your experience, why it was so different from him?

00:18:33: I think

00:18:33: that's because he didn't have any friends here.

00:18:40: He did not want to come but he doesn't know what will happen next.

00:18:56: Yes, and yeah like I said sometimes for most of these children just happened overnight.

00:19:05: i Just explained all this so you understand the situation Nikita was in And The Situation Most Of The Refugees Children Are Not Only The Children Are In.

00:19:18: So It Is A Very Very Difficult Situation If You Are.

00:19:26: Nikita had the soul of an artist.

00:19:29: He wrote poems, he wrote music.

00:19:34: so he composed music and also lyrics.

00:19:37: And these kind of children with a soul of artists they tend to be lonely.

00:19:46: Also the other Ukrainian children in my class.

00:19:49: So his classmates sometimes did Stupid stuff and Nikita was not like them, he always very respectful.

00:20:03: Also at the beginning he really wanted to learn German even though he didn't want it here.

00:20:19: He also learned very quickly German.

00:20:22: this is why could change to a regular class after two years.

00:20:28: And as some other children stayed for three years, so yes he put a lot of effort at the beginning to learn and at some point just couldn't anymore.

00:20:45: He began to close himself more to the other Ukrainian children and I think he also didn't talk too much.

00:20:59: He

00:21:05: never said hi He didn't

00:21:23: want to share his pain with anyone and maybe he wanted to deal that alone.

00:21:33: And do you think...

00:21:35: ...he

00:21:37: acted correctly?

00:21:38: not to talk about his pain or...?

00:21:44: I don't know because.. ..he was not so old to hide his pain, he was fourteen.

00:21:55: i think He was hiding his pain, so I don't think that's really good.

00:22:03: Yeah exactly what i said before.

00:22:05: yeah So he was ten or eleven when he first came in my class and to Germany.

00:22:10: When you met him ,he was a little bit older .So he was already carrying all this pain for three years.

00:22:19: when you came.

00:22:20: um...so This is the burden which was way too heavy Child at that age, and this is why I said before please talk to someone.

00:22:34: Yeah?

00:22:35: This is not the answer always appreciated in fact it At least he could.

00:22:41: He came and talked to me And also with the other teacher with a Ukrainian teacher at least he had these openers to us.

00:22:50: From what I understood he also didn't have very good relationship With his smaller brother with his younger brother But it was not that he, He wasn't a bad boy or something.

00:23:07: It's just like living in his own world and not talking to anyone Not wanting anything to do with everyone.

00:23:19: At some point he also stopped learning.

00:23:25: This is what I think at the beginning this learning helped him Also to cope with the fact that he was not in his country anymore, but at some point.

00:23:35: Yeah He just didn't want to learn any more and yeah it was I think missing.

00:23:41: his father Was just way too much And you should also remember that?

00:23:47: He didn't go back to Ukraine since he killed so four-and-a-half years As far as i know.

00:23:55: if he also did an see his father during this time.

00:24:00: So it's a lot of time and when we are thinking that every child needs both of his parents, especially in the very difficult age of puberty When you're going through lots changes so you don't know what is wrong with your body or feelings Probably enough deep, I think it's already in the middle of it.

00:24:26: Sukma not really she is starting now i think

00:24:30: or

00:24:34: Yeah but Do you feel all ready like?

00:24:37: You don't know what's wrong with your feelings with your body.

00:24:41: Yes, I do Like mood swings.

00:24:46: yeah This is why they say puberty is a very, very difficult period for everyone like it is.

00:24:54: So your body's changing or mood swings you don't know.

00:25:00: why am I sad now?

00:25:02: When ten minutes earlier i was happy and nothing happened to be said just happens.

00:25:09: And then imagine going through all this because we are going through these now to go through the things Nikita and all the other children who are refugees, yeah this is the difference.

00:25:26: they're refugees so that had to flee the country.

00:25:29: And imagine over all these stuff also being in a foreign country having to learn completely new language or everyone around you speaking a language that you don't understand at the beginning your dad being home, who?

00:25:50: Being away in a country where it's war.

00:25:54: Your Dad being a soldier and not knowing if he is okay or not.

00:25:59: So these kids so all the Ukrainian kids they had sometimes days Or even weeks They didn't have any messages from their dads From families that left there.

00:26:11: imagine What kind of feeling that is not knowing what happened to your family, to your loved ones.

00:26:21: And yeah I imagine all this on the top of problems with puberty.

00:26:29: It's really stressful and it's really painful.

00:26:32: Yeah This why very important?

00:26:35: i say again and will repeat it again please forgive me but actually The main idea of this episode today, please talk to someone.

00:26:45: It doesn't matter who talked with a friend or teacher... ...to a neighbor and growing up it does not matter who maybe is a neighbor.

00:26:55: I don't know the salesman from your bakery around the corner To a parent.

00:27:05: yeah like i said in Germany there are also these Social services, you can go to U-Gantt and U-Sentrums.

00:27:16: You know a lot of clubs where also meet people that are listening because this old pain inside doesn't matter what kind of pain but especially these kinds You know, it's just like a poison that stays in your body and this is why we feel good when We talk to someone because they're talking through talking.

00:27:49: This poison gets out.

00:27:50: of course not everything Of course the pain is still there but It helps.

00:27:56: maybe you no when I have a problem?

00:27:58: It's just Like When you are happy.

00:27:59: Yeah,

00:28:01: when you're happy want to share this with somebody And then it should be exactly the same way when you are sad.

00:28:10: Just share this with somebody because It will really help.

00:28:14: and if everything inside of your... Like I said, which time is going to turn into poison?

00:28:21: This poison will poison your body!

00:28:26: You won't feel good.. You'll close yourself in to yourself.

00:28:32: Don't want any contact with anyone And all this will make the things just worse and they are not...

00:28:42: Yeah.

00:28:44: So yeah, I hope you talk to someone when you're not feeling good?

00:28:48: Yes

00:28:48: we do!

00:28:51: I think that's the difference.

00:28:54: so from how i know you.. You talked with each other because your sisters then only two years apart.

00:29:02: yes

00:29:04: So you are lucky, but not all siblings understand each other very good.

00:29:09: I think in Nikita's case his brother was too young for him to understand.

00:29:15: and yes so this is Nikita story.

00:29:25: what can tell about him?

00:29:29: He also funny.

00:29:31: at the beginning he He makes funny stuff.

00:29:35: We we laughed a lot with him.

00:29:40: he was very creative like I said, he was writing poems.

00:29:45: He was writing funny poem sometimes making some funny videos.

00:29:51: You know it's such a pity that is not without anymore because you would have contributed A lot with his funny videos and Yeah, with historians for this project.

00:30:04: You know and you know we talked about these.

00:30:08: actually We wanted Nikita to be our first guest.

00:30:13: So of course yeah, we have Marius Savu who is our first official guest.

00:30:19: but um...you know..yeah people are known And also want children to be our guest.

00:30:29: and you know we talked about Nikita being our first guest because yeah he had this experience.

00:30:37: And, we thought um...he would be the perfect person to talk about these issues with these topics Yeah!

00:30:44: About having to live your country Your family or your father Not feeling very comfortable in a new country Being lonely and depressed.

00:30:57: And yeah, unfortunately we have to do this topic.

00:31:02: This episode without him.

00:31:07: I think that's really what makes all of us very sad Because i'm thinking maybe... Yeah.. Maybe we should have heard it?

00:31:22: I don't know Oh!

00:31:28: But i dont' think is something someone can plan Mean?

00:31:33: yeah, we cannot plan that of course.

00:31:35: We can but we shouldn't.

00:31:39: Yes it's but you know I'm sure that You know.

00:31:45: I said to a friend at ya look actually we wanted him to be our first Child guest.

00:31:52: and now?

00:31:54: We are doing today this episode without him And she was like no he will be there with you.

00:32:00: so I think he is with us.

00:32:04: What do you think?

00:32:05: Yes,

00:32:05: i don't think so.

00:32:08: So yeah Nikita wherever you are...I hope that you're happy there and not feeling any pain anymore.

00:32:19: We love you!

00:32:25: And just be happy and rest in peace.

00:32:33: And yeah, we cannot do more than just cherish his memory.

00:32:41: So you all know that there was a young boy named Nikita who came from Ukraine to Germany for better life and unfortunately... His life path ended here way too soon.

00:33:05: Yeah, what... What can you say about Nikita?

00:33:11: What stayed in your memory or how would like to remember him.

00:33:15: Or How will you remember him.

00:33:23: so if you're wondering whether this funny noises is just my Tomcat Mishu here He's laying on the laptop and supporting us because we are very, very sad and you know it is said that cats and animals in general feel when somebody's not feeling well.

00:33:47: And I think he just trying to comfort us and his sitting near the laptop and this purring so you can hear him.

00:33:59: That was Mishu pouring into the microphone.

00:34:03: So don't wonder if your listening to this If you're hearing these funny noises This is my cat purring.

00:34:10: So coming back to you girls, what or how will you remember Nikita?

00:34:18: I want to remember him

00:34:20: smiling and doing funny stuff Me too

00:34:26: And me too of course.

00:34:28: Also remember him as the creative kid that he was a very talented creator Yeah!

00:34:35: Doing funny stuff making everyone around him smiling and laughing.

00:34:45: So thank you so much for listening to

00:34:48: us,

00:34:49: I know it is a very difficult topic but we did this in Nikita's memory because you know doing this helped us as well to cope with this.

00:35:14: because like i said and I know repeated this again but this is the main issue of this podcast please, when are in trouble?

00:35:25: When your suffering no matter why.

00:35:29: When going through a hard phase especially teenagers puberty and all the difficult changes that are coming into their lives.

00:35:41: Please, please talk to someone okay?

00:35:44: It doesn't matter with who talked to a parent or friend or neighbor...to a sibling..to a classmate ..to teacher.

00:35:53: but just don't keep everything inside.

00:35:57: you don't have to carry that burden alone.

00:35:59: I think it also helped us.

00:36:05: Yes, it helped.

00:36:07: So you know because we have to cope with this as well.

00:36:12: and but also yeah be careful there's a little caution.

00:36:21: Be careful With who are you talking in these vulnerable situations?

00:36:28: don't choose false friends because they take advantage of your vulnerable situation and convince you to drink alcohol, do drugs

00:36:40: etc.

00:36:40: yeah exactly so be careful.

00:36:42: not everyone i mean of course not the growing ups or let's hope no the growing up but especially many teenagers can convince children who are week, so in a vulnerable situation.

00:36:59: So who are hurting or so can easily be convinced to do stupid things.

00:37:06: you know all kind of um dayers.

00:37:10: yeah I dare you to jump uh or to run in front of a train and see how quickly you can run.

00:37:17: i dare you drink three bottles of beer i dare three cigarettes or whatever, they are you to do something so-or to do drugs or ecstasy.

00:37:36: So please be careful with these kind of teenagers who can have a bad influence on you.

00:37:50: many of them don't do this necessary because they are bad.

00:37:53: They don't know better and think that can help you with this.

00:37:58: but yeah, drugs and alcohol... ...are not the solution.

00:38:04: so I think as a teacher or growing up i have to mention it again.

00:38:12: So please!

00:38:14: Please!

00:38:15: Don't be alone when feel sad or lonely, don't keep everything inside you.

00:38:27: Thankyou so much for listening!

00:38:30: This was our way on one side to cope with this terrible event and also celebrate his life.

00:38:39: So I think i just hope that in the podcast episode we kind of make People remember him, so he doesn't just disappear.

00:38:54: Yeah Through our podcast maybe people hopefully in some years they will listen to this and They will know that Once upon a time there was a boy called Nikita.

00:39:09: And then he He was loved and he died way too soon.

00:39:16: and actually I'm sure you can hear us.

00:39:21: And i hope that your in a much better place now, than you are not suffering or hurting... ...and yeah..that u can be happy now.

00:39:33: Rest In Peace Nikita!

00:39:34: I Hope You Are Happy Now & You're Not In Pain Anymore Yeah?

00:39:40: I Also Hope That Your Happy and rest

00:39:44: in peace.

00:39:46: Okay So, this was for Nikita.

00:39:50: For his memory and thank you for listening to us And take care of yourselves and enjoy your life because as you can see Life is very short sometimes.

00:40:07: We hope that you are enjoying your life and yeah...Life

00:40:13: can be short.

00:40:15: No one knows when it Something can

00:40:19: happen.

00:40:21: Okay, so take care and bye.